Kieron- Who I Am

Kieron-
I live life the way I want to. Mom can get drunk all she wants, and call me so that I can drop out of my most important class just for me to pick her up. She'd be slurring the whole way home, and I just hold tightly onto the steering wheel, controlling the feeling of smacking her in the face. She wouldn't remember a single thing besides the pain.
Dad on the other hand was just a whole new story- druggies and his little smokers. Mom probably doesn't even know whether or not he's cheating behind her back. I've seen him with more than one girl a billion times, but I give up. What's the point of saying something, if you're not going to be heard? That's why I don't talk. The bitter silence awakened through childhood, and will stay till the day I die.
School was a pain in the ass. Tough luck. My grades began to drop as I entered high school. I was supposed to graduate last year, but I never really did. I was supposed to be in college. I was supposed to be far away from my parents, where I could find peace, and perhaps find a reason to speak.
I didn't need anyone anymore. I'm who I am, and I guess it's going to stay that way. I didn't need to go to no college. I'll grab those bags and hit the road, and maybe never return. After all, home is where the heart is. And my heart has burned here. This ain't no home.

Writing Prompt

"Some aspects of coming of age are pain and loss, disappointment and disillusionment..."
Oh heck yes. I've been through so much this year and right now I'm in this deep hole where I just want to sit be lazy and do nothing else besides just that. I give up on school, my mind is lost somewhere far away. All the things that had happened to me are so unexpected, I was so unaware of what I was supposed to do. I hated it all. I still hate it all. But I'm not making this big hole thing get bigger, because if it does...I'm screwed.
I'm losing so much. One piece at a time. I already lost my hobbies, my talents, what makes me...well me! My mother told me I had to give up on painting as we move, because the renovated place doesn't need any sloppiness, any little marks of paint, crayons and pastels. Basically all my favorite things. That's a huge loss in my world.
I gave up on writing. My writing is useless unneeded and unwanted. My wonderful pieces of art have been thrown away in the friggin' virtual trash can with no way to retrieve them again. They're lost. Oh great, yeah after two years of writing's worth is thrown away. You were an itty bitty closer to finishing that two hundred page novel that was dear to you and somebody just accidentally rebooted your computer so you never see it ever again.
Woohoo. I lost my talents. My heart crushed, my personality broken, what else? I don't need any more. I give up. I've lost the things that were the closest to me so why still go on if those things are unwanted now?

I've lost so much. So many things that were important, and a sure fact is that now that I've lost them, I'm never going to turn around and look for them. You don't look for things that you know for a sure fact are lost. And so, I'm not going to look.

Speak

Everyone is burdened with a issue as they approach the high school years of their school career. The issues aren't always that bad, I mean bullying is bad, peer pressure as well, but then again these issues aren't really having something done about them. They begin to fade away since no one really seems to care.
Why do these issues have to come up in high school, or school altogether. Why couldn't everyone treat one another fairly? But nobody wants to stop. Nobody wants to care. That's where Speak comes in. Speaking makes a difference. And maybe if Miranda had just spoke for once to someone she knew she could trust, the dark hollowness within her would begin to smudge and then at some time it would just fade away.
Fading away doesn't mean that there would be scars left over from the battle.

Miranda enters high school- a fourteen year old or so with a terrible secret she isn't sure about. There are a million questions circling her mind: Why am I betrayed by my best friend Rachelle? Why doesn't anyone believe me? Was I really raped?
Image yourself in that position where everyone hates on you for calling on the cops- who busted the best party of the summer. Does anyone know why you called? Why would you ruin a party that everyone loved, that you knew everyone loved?
How would you like it if the question edged in your mind, your heart racing a million times a minute. Was I really raped?

Miranda, spoke. She did speak at some point, thinking that trusting her best friend would be okay. That nothing will happen, that maybe Rachelle will have pity and do something about it. Surprise, surprise, friends that were friends before sometimes will not be the same friends before.
High school brings confusion, especially for Miranda. She's lost a best friend, had gotten raped by one of the most popular guys at school: Andy Evans.
She hates the chilling, simple, name. Hating every part of it. He's it.
And she doesn't want to be anywhere near it. But then again who would?

That was it...nobody trusting her, everyone whispering names, her grades reaching down the dark, muddy earth. She needed to do something, get herself together. Pull herself out of her problems. Think about the sunny side. Think hope.

She does it. But not everybody has the guts to live in school with that sort of an issue. She tells someone who tells the other and eventually it goes on and on until Andy Evans realizes.
Miranda will stand up.
And win.
And she did.

Maybe if there are problems in life- you just have to tell someone. Maybe even her parents, who Miranda didn't even tell. Speaking to someone trustworthy makes a difference, but thinking about it before saying something is also important.

Make a difference in somebody's life- especially if someone tells you something important. Maybe you should wake up, open your eyes, and do something.
Problems come in life, but dealing with them and telling someone, or maybe standing up to the truth would be the best way to confront it.
After all...
You don't want the same to you.

Writing Prompt #2

I don't know the proompts on the list were, so I'm just going to make up my own question even if it's already there.
Why do teenagers choose the paths that they choose?

Okay. This is a question that runs on my mind everyday. Why am I making the choices that I am? Or whether or not if I actually mean what I'm saying or doing. My life is kind of the "uck" side. Trying to escape the large bubble that has no doorways or no way out is a tough situation. But nobody ever told you that you wouldn't be able to change that shape around and turn it into something a bit more different. Who ever told you that you can't change that bubble into something different? And maybe you can pop that bubble and escape it.

Okay...enough of this bubble stuff. It might get you a bit confused.

Some people make the worst decisions they can possibly can knowing the consequences yet they still do it. What's in it in the end for them? For instance, some people think doing drugs is a brilliant way to live. A way to make yourself shine amongst the other punks who don't seem to be doing the things your doing- just because they aren't cool like you.

Haha.

A friend told me this: "Being yourself isn't hard at all. Being like someone else is tougher than you think. Burden after burden. So why not just be who you are. There's nobody else out there who's a Fatima Khokhar, besides the one I'm looking at."

So why go out and take the wrong path just because you receive the attention, receive all those problems that you wouldn't have suffered through if you were yourself.

Now the kid who decides that being themself is the path they want to choose are those people who have serious guts and want to be themselves because being themselves is easy are the people who seem to go on further in life and seem it enjoy it more.


Choose the path you think is right and don't choose the path that you want to choose because everyone else seems to be choosing.

Screw those people. Live life with you in control. Have fun, live within the rules and life cannot be much more unique than that.

Coming of Age

Question #3: Who was I? Who am I? Who do I want to be?
I'm myself, will be myself, and will stay myself. The person who can be the best at being you is you! Followers are nobodies, they just lost themselves in the long term goal of finding out who they really are. So instead they decide they want to be somebody else just because they cant seem to figure out who they are currently as a teenager. The issue that runs through most of the teenagers minds these days are: I want to be the cool kid, I want to be the trendsetter, or I want to be the most ultimate person there can be out there, so ultimate that everyone will want to be me.
Oh who cares?!
The most important goal to achieve is to figure out who you really are and whether or not who you are is who you want to be.
Therefore, I come to the part in which I blog about who I really want to be. I want to be myself. Currently, I'm lost in myself, trying to figure out who I want to be. I'm confused. I'm lost. It's true to every teacher, especially Ms. Galang, who began to realize that I was changing into something useless. Full of excuses, issues, and problems. I'm trying to regain control, and click in the correct key that will reveal the road or path that I would like to choose.
Welcome to my confused fucked up world.(Okay I realized that I wasn't allowed to curse but then again sometimes cursing needs to give an emphasis onto the fact that life is just life. Living it is important. But then again living it the right way is also important.)

So I get to the point in which I tell everyone that life is just life. I was a baby before, innocent, new to the world, not knowing what was going on around me. Just that I was a child, innocent. Now, I'm a adolesence, growing to love the real world, and becoming somebody new and totally unique.

I am, I was, I will always be me.

Tis' The Final (Sucky) Draft

     Red is the color of many things. Love, anger, hate and all of these things combined into something magical. Not always is there a happily ever after, not always is there "true love," there's always something that has to come in between. The drama in the world always affects a person in different ways. There are always issues that have to screw things up. But true love cannot burn- it only burns if it isn't meant for it. There's only one love that I've seen that is everlasting. Romeo and Juliet's. They are lovers of such a young age yet cannot seem to think about life another way without each other. Now today, during modern day, people think that they are so much in love that they would do anything for each other. Well…if a person who claims they love their “lover” is in danger and only one person could be saved, would they save that person? No, they rather save themselves. Yet, when you read Romeo and Juliet you can see how deep and how affectionate their love is, compared to the people of modern day.

     Reading Romeo and Juliet for the second time, I was engulfed in a world that didn't seem so vast the first time reading it. I took it as a bunch of young lovers who were stupid and didn't realize what life was and how they were using it. 

     When I read Romeo and Juliet the first time there were very little emotions that immersed in my mind. Romeo- a total idiot who keeps getting depressed just because he can't find true love? Love is different from the way Romeo thinks of it. He falls in love with one girl- then switches his gaze to another, and at the same time expects the girl to love him back, so that he can live happily ever after.  

     Not so much Prince Charming.      
   

      But one thing I don't understand about Shakespeare's play was why he made it unreal? (MY OPINION!) Is there really some event that ended up being as true as this one? Or was Shakespeare feeling this way when he got married?

        

      That got me confused, and these are some of the questions I'm trying to unveil when I'm reading Romeo and Juliet again. Hopefully Romeo and Juliet will become a bit clearer and make much more sense.

     After starting to re-read Romeo and Juliet I guess I found out what Shakespeare is trying to say: there's love out there for everyone. Everyone has a soul mate. Everyone will have someone they can't stop thinking about. Maybe the day will be tomorrow or maybe it's today. It's there. And it will come to you...I guess Shakespeare was trying to indicate that in his play, and he emphasized it quite well. But at the same time the same love went for him and his life, so I guess he displays his own life for us to follow and that’s what made Shakespeare’s “romantic,” “tragic,” and “comedic” play something more than just a play- perhaps even a life lesson.

50 POSTS!!! OMFG!!!

Shit...51...

Through the brilliant stars
Of the Universe
Beyond the thousand years
Of life

I cant seem to see
Cant see no more

There was once an ache
Inside of me
To reach out to the hand
That would set me free

Yet today I'm all dead
A thirteen year old
Looking all bloody and red
There's that ache again

I want to see
The world
In one instant second
I want to change me.

Wat teh heart is ♥

The heart holds hope for a better tomorrow if there isn't a bright day today. It unfolds the tears and anguish that a person can no longer take. It sheds the tears that are so valuable. As every tear rolls down, the heart can't help but make a person think about the bad things. Think about everything that hit it with great impact, that the person can no longer take it. They don't want to see tomorrow just because you ruin their life, making them shed those tears, making them unbottle up, their hearts ripping to pieces, into fragile little pieces. These fragile hearts were probably ripped before you even arrived to screw it all up.

A heart isn't just a symbol of love and friendship ♥. It holds the feelings of every person, whether somebody wants to reveal them or not. There are feelings hurt every second of the day. What happens when feelings are hurt? Tears are shed. Pure hatred is formed into a dark shadow. Unfriendliness rips open through the friendly heart there was once placed in that body. The heart is changed into darker colors. The person can't help but cry every moment of their lives- wondering why they are so hated upon if all they try to do was be friendly? What is wrong with trying to be a good person? At least give them a hand and return their favor. Why go so far out and tell them to get off? Why hurt these fragile people? Why be responsible of breaking these hearts of these people who had been ever so wonderful? These people who would someday be the ones you'd run to! 

WHY? Just have reasons. Good reasons then just being a sicko to mess with someone's feelings- someone's fragile heart!

Think about it...just think.


♥*♥*♥*♥*♥*♥*♥*♥*♥*♥*♥*♥*♥*♥*♥*♥*♥*♥*♥*♥*♥*♥*♥*♥*♥*♥*♥*♥*♥*♥*♥*♥*♥*♥*♥*♥*♥*

The blogs that seemed...err...good?

Later this week, I decided to read blogs and finally finish the blog post that had been missing. As I read through the blogs and was able to see what was going on in everyone's minds as they worked their way to writing the best of the best. And I congratulate those I've chosen =]

Olivia Anastasio: I really liked her sonnet about her rose. It kind of was different.... I mean who wants a dead rose? That kinda got my attention, making me read on. I wasn't exactly sure what Olivia wanted to tell us after the rose died. I think that it was either because the rose couldn't take it anymore? But either way, I really liked that sonnet. So great job Olivia =]

Kate Macrae: I liked her incident poem for some reason. When I read it, I just didn't know why I liked that poem. Just that I did like it. (WEIRD!) But I liked it. Don't know what to say.... =O

Words...can hurt...they can hurt terribly.

People assume things far too quickly even if they don't even think about what they're saying and whether or not they understand how it affects someone. Everything terrible you say affects a person- and their heart. The more you add to all the things you say the darker the shade of red turns. The person begins to doubt them self. I mean...I'm always assumed of being things I'm not. My only job is to make a person's day brighter than it is. I make people smile, but some people don't appreciate my job. I guess...it hurts me. It really does. Nobody seems to get what goes around in the person's mind when you say something hurtful. 

Nobody wants to be the person being pointed at. 

Then why point the finger?

I'm called names of all types from apparently people whom I thought were easy to get along with. Boy, was I wrong about them being "easy to get along with." Every time I say something, the first word that blurts out of their mouths are: "Why are you talking to me?"

Am I really that dirty? Am I really that useless? You don't like it when people push you away, when people think you're dirt, you're useless. Why do it to these people, who offer their friendliness. I don't get it at points. 


*♥*♥*AWAY FROM ME*♥*♥*

I know many people who can't help but shed a tear every day- helpless and left alone. Fools at school put them down. These sickos put a burden on them that they have to hold. It's really sick the way they hurt a person thinking it's so god damned funny when all their doing is hurting a person. SICKOS! They think that ripping a person's heart to pieces is fun, is a hobby. No way, no freakin' way. There isn't any fun in messing with somebody's heart and mind. There isn't any fun making a person cry- and shedding their tears for reasons that don't really make sense. UNFAIR. Totally unfair. 

Nobody can stop it besides the person who holds the finger. They laugh when they read posts and all these little "lines" talking about the way somebody feels when they're made fun of. They find it funny. But put yourself in the foot of the victim. 

How would you feel?

It's...Romeo and Julietttt the moronnnn lovers of kidage (if that makes sense)

        Red is the color of many things. Love, anger, hate and all of these things combined into something magical. Not always is there a happily ever after, not always is there "true love," there's always something that screws it up.

         True love cannot burn- it only burns if it isn't meant for it. There's only one love that I've seen that is everlasting. Romeo and Juliet's. They are lovers of such a young age yet cannot seem to think about life another way without each other. Now today, during  modern day, people think that they are so much in love that they would do anything for each other. Well...if  there was only enough time for one person to escape a fire or something tragic I highly doubt that anyone would try to save their lover. Hell no, they rather save themselves. Yet, when you read Romeo and Juliet you can see how deep and how affectionate their love is. 

        Romeo sees Juliet, assuming she's dead, and commits suicide so that they could once again be with each other. You tell me now, who would ever kill themselves just to be with the person they assume their ever so in "love" with. Good luck, folks. Most people won't dare to risk their life for the one they assume that they "love."

        Now, when I think about it, and when I speak to people of all races and gender I can't help but think that the love that had awakened between Romeo and Juliet seemed unreal. Now that's my opinion, because to me and to many people who agree they seem to think that true love is a myth. It might be as well. Who thinks that the person they are "dating" will last longer than after school ends? Uh, don't think so. 

        Are fairies real? Would you act like a total idiot to go out and find a fairy so that she'll grant you your three wishes? Er, no, because you know there are no such thing as fairies and that there aren't wishes. The fairy will always come to you, if you deserve the wishes, it won't come if you don't. The same- in my opinion goes for true love similar to Romeo and Juliet, they didn't search deeply. Well, Romeo did, but Juliet had no mind of thinking about falling in love or getting married. Look how it approached her, the blazing heat of love, and affected her brain. The only thing on her mind is...Romeo. The only thing on Romeo's mind is...Juliet.  You understand now, how strange this book seems? 

        Reading Romeo and Juliet for the second time, I was engulfed in a world that didn't seem so vast the first time reading it. I took it as a bunch of young lovers who were stupid and didn't realize what life was.   

        When I read Romeo and Juliet the first time there were very little emotions that immersed in my mind. Romeo- a total idiot who keeps getting depressed just because he can't find true love? Love is different from the way Romeo thinks of it. He falls in love with one girl- then switches his gaze to another, and at the same time expects the girl to love him back, so that he can live happily ever after.  

Not so much Prince Charming. 

        

        Everything seemed so explicit. The plot in my opinion was very easy to figure out. It was all laid out in front of me, and when that happens, reading that book doesn't seem so much fun.  

       The one thing that made me stagger a bit was the ending. Romeo dies, and then Juliet- believing the love between them had been so authentic, that she decides to kill herself as well, so that they can once again be together. 

        

That's great. I love the ending. It's not Cinderella.

         But one thing I also don't understand about Shakespeare's play was why he made it unreal? (MY OPINION!) Is there really some event that ended up being as true as this one?

         That got me confused, and that's one of the questions I'm trying to unveil when I'm reading Romeo and Juliet again.Hopefully Romeo and Juliet will become a bit more clearer and make much more sense.

         After starting to re-read Romeo and Juliet I guess I found out what Shakespeare is trying to say: there's love out there for everyone. Everyone has a soul mate. Everyone will have someone they can't stop thinking about. Maybe the day will be tomorrow or maybe it's today. It's there. And it will come to you.

OKAY...TODAY'S SHAKESPEARE... (HARD ONE!!) -_______________-

Of everyone and everything I've read in my life that I am still living in, I cannot decide which person I would think could stand face to face with Shakespeare. (That didn't make any sense but okay...) Because Shakespeare is a writer of plays and sonnets, and I don't think that many people still write sonnets. Plays for sure since that's the reason why Drama is running as a talent at the school. But otherwise than that, I'm really not sure. The following AUTHOR IS just A PERSON who may seem ordinary, but to me HE IS A WRITER that actually inspireS me to write and make a Shakespeare out of myself:

DARREN (FREAKIN') SHAN!- OMG OMG OMG! This guy is supremely amazing. Screw Stephanie Myer and her fake stupid Twilight series when there's this. Plain, classic, and amazing, who cares about Twilight except those little girlies who cant help but read romance since they can't find it in real life. Let me tell you one thing, the first time I picked up Cirque du Freak, my thoughts on vampires and horror changed. Dude, this guy is a genius!! Who can think of a way of turning vampires into something totally brilliant? A boy becoming one, rather than a moron girl who falls in love with one. Hold up a minute...I'm comparing Twilight with Cirque du Freak. Okay, okay...comparing Shan with Shakespeare. AMAZING! They both have a "S" and a "H" in the beginning of their last names. How cool?! Besides that they both were living somewhere in UK! =O Along with that they both had their own perspectives of life and reading. I don't know how this works but Shan had a world full of darkness and horror while Shakespeare's world was probably filled with women, beer, and lots of romance. And add some pretty sparkly rainbow ponies, because apparently Shakespeare's life was full of that "happiness" and "joy."

 But Darren's book caught me at the edge of my seat, and Shakespeare, ew...I even hate the name is nowhere near that. When I read Shakespeare I begin to fall asleep. BORING! Who wants to read Shakespeare if there's another author who's amazing! 

4GET SHAKESPEARE IF THERE'S DARREN!!!! =]

Iz Shakespeare!!!! =O (and his life)

        Shakespeare is somebody who I wasn't interested in knowing more about. But after researching about him for a while I realized how mysterious his birth and death was. Apparently, according to research Shakespeare was born on April 23 and died on April 23 as well. Whoa...right? I mean that's kind of scary. Now the only thing I need to figure out was if it was a natural cause or if he committed suicide or something.

        Okay, death and life are kind of a strange topic, but there are many other things that scared the heck out of me as I researched. Shakespeare was around 17 or 18 when he got married and his wife- Anne Hathaway was 26. That's also something kind of strange, but I guess Shakespeare is like that- after all most of his plays and writing were based on romance, or finding true love out there in that world. So it isn't as freaky knowing he got married at such a young age. Perhaps that was the usual age for a "man"(cough cough) to get married at that age. And even scarier than that his first child was born six months after the marriage. Okay...that's pretty scary. O_______________o

        Besides that, Shakespeare usually performed for his own plays. There was Hamlet- where he liked to act as the ghost, and then it was As You Like It, which we watched last Friday. In that play he liked to act as Adam who is known as: "Adam -  The elderly former servant of Sir Rowland de Bois. Having witnessed Orlando’s hardships, Adam offers not only to accompany his young master into exile but to fund their journey with the whole of his modest life’s savings. He is a model of loyalty and devoted service."

         Moving on....During Shakespeare's day, most of the writers worked during the day, because candles cost a lot during that time. But one of his prized possessions were his beds. One of them his "second best" bed, was given to his wife after he died. Dead long ago, nobody is sure of how, some of the scholars believe a kidney disease, murder or just drinking more than his body could contain.

         Anyways...there's one thing for sure, that Shakespeare was one freaky person, I mean these are just small details of his life, and there already kind of "abnormal" in my perspective. But maybe if I research more there may be something different than what I expect. 
   
    

Reading Response

    Romeo and Juliet

True love will never burn, most love ends up failing but the love that bloomed between Romeo and Juliet is everlasting. There are always heart brakes and aches. There is no such love that exists in our time that compares to the love of Romeo and Juliet. Most people won't dare to risk their life for the one they assume that they "love."

   True love is like a myth. Are fairies real? Would you act like a fool and rush out your front door in a search for a fairy if you know it's fake? You wouldn't- because most of the time in myths such as fairies will approach you. Fairies allow wishes, and you won't be able to go out and find a fairy who will give you wishes.

Same goes with true love or any love. You can never find it- it comes to you.

   Reading Romeo and Juliet for the second time, I was engulfed in a world that didn't seem so vast the first time reading it. I took it as a bunch of young lovers who were stupid and didn't realize what life was. 

   When I read Romeo and Juliet the first time there were very little emotions that immersed in my mind. Romeo- a total idiot who keeps getting depressed just because he can't find true love? Love is different from the way Romeo thinks of it. He falls in love with one girl- then switches his gaze to another, and at the same time expects the girl to love him back, so that he can live happily ever after. 

Not so much Prince Charming.

   Everything seemed so explicit. The plot in my opinion was very easy to figure out. It was all laid out in front of me, and when that happens, reading that book doesn't seem so much fun. 

   The one thing that made me stagger a bit was the ending. Romeo dies, and then Juliet- believing the love between them had been so authentic, that she decides to kill herself as well, so that they can once again be together.

That's great. I love the ending. It's not Cinderella.

   At the same time the ending of Romeo and Juliet makes me wonder about what Shakespeare is trying to say. Is he saying that you may fall in love- believing that it's all very true, to realize it wouldn't last on Earth but maybe in the hereafter? 

   That got me confused, and that's one of the questions I'm trying to unveil when I'm reading Romeo and Juliet again.

   There's love out there for everyone. Everyone has a soul mate. Everyone will have someone they can't stop thinking about. Maybe the day will be tomorrow or maybe it's today. It's there. And it will come to you.